MORE CARLY REPORTS

Happy June 30th. I have no idea where we left off with our traveling pooch. The e-mails she sent were delayed a bit since they were still being sent to who knows where. So we'll just take one e-mail at a time and go from there. Here is one that probably came in right after they arrived at their destination in Pennsylvania where Carly's Mom's relatives live. It was Carly's first exposure to these humans so let's read on to see how it went.

Dear Sister: I haven't heard from you in days, I hope you are okay. I've been really busy. Yesterday my people put me in a doggie day camp while they went to something called a Ger-add-u-a-shun. I didn't like it much. I was afraid they were getting rid of me. I was worried. They did come back but it took hours! I had my Mom hold me the whole trip back to this house where we are staying so she would know how much I love her and maybe she won't leave me there again, ever!! I don't know what this ger-add-u-a-shun thing is but today they had a party for it. They decorated with things called baa-loonz. I didn't like them much. They move with the wind. I didn't see any chip-monkz today but I looked and looked. I did scare off some birds. There was one bird that was blue. I've never seen a blue bird where I live in Arizona. It was big, blue and had a pointy head. Mom called it something like a ge-aye. Your friend, Carly!

Dear Carly,
You didn't hear from me because your notes weren't coming to me but I sure hope whoever did receive them enjoyed them. Meantime, I was left in e-mail limbo so am very glad to read your note.
Doggie day camp, eh? Sorry, that does NOT sound cool to me. I will apologize for your humans right here and now. They traveled how many miles to visit their people and you wind up in doggie daycare? What's up with that?! Why, that's almost rude. But then again, didn't we also learn that you had issues with the resident doggie, Lily? Maybe it was for your own protection so we'll give your humans the benefit of Sister very Catty's doubt.
I think you're referring to a graduation for one of you're Mom's grand kids and the celebration was over that event. It's a human thing. We're naturally smart and don't require years and years of schooling and a graduation and eventual boot outa the homestead. Whew, would not want to be human, would you, Carly?
Okay, I'm off to the next e-mail.
Sister VC

THE CARLY REPORT - Days ???

I'm not sure anymore what day we're on with Carly and her vacation experiences so we'll just read her latest report and not worry about it. Obviously our little pooch is having the time of her life. She'll either find life boring once she returns to home base or she'll just have sweet dreams about it while she sleeps for a week from fun exhaustion. Read on...

Dear Sister:
I'm writing today to tell you about a really fun adventure I had. These people we are visiting have lots of things my people call "toys". They are rather loud things they ride on. One has only 2 wheels and 3 of them have 4 wheels. Day before last we all went on a ride. I rode on my she person's lap on something called a "rain-ger". Unlike the other "toys" it has a bench seat so we rode with someone else. It has no front window so I couldn't ride on the dash like I do in the wheeled home. We went really fast. My ears were straight out and my mouth open. I didn't swallow a bug but my she-human says she had one go up her nose. It was hard to watch for bunnies but I tried. I'm thinking the bunnies were hiding from all the noise. I've also seen some other animals that I've never seen before. There was a whole group of somethings I will call big spotted bunnies. They had black and white spots all over them. My she-human called them ca-ow-z. They looked like big bunnies to me. I would have liked to chase one but I couldn't get out of the car. I'm getting better at chasing chip-monks but they are fast. One hid in some yard ornament that looks like a big bird house. I know it was in there, I saw it go in. I tired to dig it out and cried for it to come out but I couldn't get in and it wouldn't come out. After awhile my she-human insisted I keep walking. The next time I passed it I couldn't smell it in there. I will check every time I pass it though because I never forget where they can hide. Love, Carly

Dear Red Baron,
You're the envy of every dog out there reading this blog. I can just imagine you ears looking wing-like in the wind as you fly across the earth in the strange 'toy'. Try flapping them next time to see if you get lift-off. Now that's a Kodak moment! Did you wear protective head gear, goggles, anything? Yep, right out of a Peanuts cartoon!

Now you've discovered cows...and I find it most interesting that you did NOT mention wanting one of those. Wassup? You want a bunny, you want a squirrel, you want a chipmunk...what is wrong with the cow?
Happy Hunting, Sister VC

THE CARLY REPORT - Days 7 & 8

Well, lo and behold, we have finally heard from our little traveling pooch, Carly. We were beginning to suspect she'd taken a hike rather than a vacation. Carly's explanation was that the day they left Tennessee and the Smoky Mountains her people decided to go the rest of the distance all in one day. So off to Pennsylvania they went and once there her people had to visit with their peoples awhile. Then when Herself got around to typing Carly's reports she was emailing them to the wrong address. She finally figured out what was happening when all of her reports came back to her own email. So now after many days hiatus we will catch up with Carly's adventures. Yes, and Carly and I probably both agree that its hard to get good help these days and if only we could just type this stuff ourselves!! Oh well, let's face it, we're living in a human's world, what can we do? Okay, on to Carly's vacation adventures from the 16th and 17th.

Dear SVC:
It's been quite awhile since I've written. I've been bizzie. Before we left the Smoky mountain site I saw some squirrels. I know what squirrels are since they sometimes invade my back yard at home. These are a little different being mostly grey. They are really fast. I want one. I tried to chase it but it ran up a tree. I don't know how to run up a tree. I barked at it but it wouldn't come down. Why can cats climb trees and doggies not? I'm asking you because being a feline you may be able to coach me.
We arrived at the place where we are going to stay for a while. I don't know how long but we are not sleeping in the rolling home. This home has lots of people in it and a very big dog. I sometimes get along with the big dog and sometimes I don't. I don't like it when the big dog comes near one of my people. I snapped at it and bit its nose. I got scolded for it. I just thought she was too close to my people. My Mom says I should be nice to "Lilly" and I do try when we walk together.
I discovered a new little critter here and I want one! It's called a "chip-monk". They are little and fast and there a lot of them. I want one. This house has a lot of bushes and the "chip-monkz" hide in the bushes. I chased one in to a bush. Lilly was trying to help me but she's really lousy at catching things. I think she should be better since there are lots of them but she doesn't seem to care. I don't understand her. Anyway, this chip-monk I chased in to a bush, ran out the other side while I wasn't looking and ran right in to Lilly. My Mom said that Lilly did chase it but it ran under another bush. I was still sniffing of the first bush. Mom got quite a laugh out of that. I want a chip-monk! I can only chase them within the yard with a big cement pond in it but they don't let me off the leash often because I can fit under the gate. There is a big forest here and I just know there are chip-monkz and bunnies in there! How can I teach Lilly to better help me catch one?
Thanks, Carly

Carly, Great to hear from you. Seems you have several issues to address but at least you are having a good time away from home. Carly, I have to be perfectly frank with you and remind you that you are indeed a dog. You are a small dog...check the mirror, little buddy. One of the well known facts of animal world, particularly in the canine versus feline world, dogs do not climb trees. Cats climb trees. It's another fact that dogs chase cats and this is exactly why cats climb trees in order to escape the dang dog who thinks it needs to look superior to the cat. What's funny is the silly dog never even realizes the cat is probably taunting the dog in the first place knowing perfectly well it can escape up a tree. While doggie is feeling all macho and superior to little kitty, the cat is thinking what a dumba** that dog is thinking it can actually catch me. The squirrels probably feel the same way.
Think of it that there are just some things dogs are gonna do that cats would never think of doing...like burying bones. Can you imagine that...only reason to scratch in dirt in a cat's mind would be to politely cover up its...well, never mind that right now.
So no...I cannot help you climb a tree...it's just not a doggie thing to do. However, I should coach you with some manners. I understand from your people that Lilly is a very sweet dog, quite large, but sweet. Now while you are there you are a guest in her home and with her people. Her people belong to your people...humans refer to them as relatives. As critters that is one thing we don't have to worry about but as humans and relatives they are prone to want to visit...this is why you got to enjoy a long road trip. So you really should be on your best behavior and tolerate the situation the best way you can. For crying out loud, you do not bite your hostess dog....what is wrong with you? Have you suffered a brain fart or what? Do yourself a favor...go look in the mirror. You are half Chihuahua and half Beagle and compared to Lilly you are a squatty body. All she'd have to do is sit on you but instead she's putting up with your antics. After all...you have invaded her space. Besides the fact that your people do not need protecting from these new people. They belong together...you're the new kid on the block...remember your position or you may find yourself sleeping alone back in the tin home on wheels.
So you've discovered chipmunks, eh? Good for you. Lilly may not have any interest in actually catching one because she probably enjoys them playing in her yard. Now let's say you were to actually catch a chipmunk or a squirrel or even a bunny. I have a feeling you wouldn't know what to do with it.
Now mind your manners.
Sister VC

THE CARLY REPORT - Day 6

Since our travelers spent a couple nights at the same park and we've already given our review, we'll head straight to a dog's day at the park via the Carly report:

Dear Sister:

Last night I met some new creatures. There were two of them and she called them "ducks". He was sitting outside last night while she was helping me write to you. He came in and said there were ducks and they obviously wanted to be fed. We went out and fed them some animal crackers. I'm not sure what ducks eat but I really like animal crackers so I figured they would too. Ducks are really strange looking creatures. One had a brilliantly green head. They are kinda like birds but if they can fly they certainly didn't do it last night. They walked, or I should say waddled on feet that looked flatter than any birds I've ever seen. One had a twisted foot so she sorta limped but the he-duck stayed right with her. I wanted to chase them but my leash was WAY too short. Today we went to a great big "park" in the mountains. It wasn't like the park at home. This one they let me in the visitor center but then handed my people a piece of paper that basically said doggies are not allowed on any of the hiking trails. I think that was unfair as I am very well behaved and my people always pick up my pooh (I don't really understand that but apparently its required at home). Anyway, I was really offended by that until my people read the part about bears attacking dogs! I don't know what a bear is but I don't want to be attacked. I'm not afraid. I'm brave. So don't think bad of me, I just don't know what a bear is. My people decided that if I couldn't hike, they wouldn't either. Instead we took a car tour. It was fun and most of the time I got to ride on her lap with my head out the window. I watched for bunnies but I didn't see any. I found something that smelled good while my he-people was walking me and I rolled in it. He didn't notice but she did and was a bit peeved. She made him use those wipes on me. I hope they run outa those things soon. I was sooo tired when we got back from the new "park" that I've mostly slept on my dash. I haven't even barked at dogs walking by! Tomorrow we are leaving Ten-A-See and going to Ver-gin-ee-ah. I will miss Ten-A-See, I like it here. Bye now.

Hello Carly,

I can understand you're being offended at not being allowed on those walking trails but when you toss in the bear factor you are way better off safely enclosed in a vehicle. So now I have to explain both cats and bears to you? In a nutshell, you'd be best off fearing both of them. For example, to a cat you'd appear as a challenge or a fun little critter to intimidate. To a bear, on the other paw, we're talkin' appetizer here. Yep, best to just fear both. Now don't get me wrong...I mean not all cats are to be feared but we'll discuss the do's and you better don't of cats 101 another time. Just keep away from bears...they are not user-friendly.
Now what have you rolled in? And what is it about you doggies that gives you that uncontrollable urge to roll in every unidentified stinky pile of unknown origin? C'mon Carly...you are literally begging for those wipes! Here's a lesson in cats for you...you wouldn't catch a cat rolling in anything but catnip...it's totally undignified for meowing out loud. Keep it up and you're going to lose your prime real estate on their bed at night. I'm just trying to look out for you. I mean your bunny fetish is bad enough so just keep walking next time you walk by something that says 'roll on me'! WALK AWAY!
Wipe on...wipe off! Sister VC

THE CARLY REPORT - Day 5

Alright, we are a day behind in our reporting so let's catch up. For Day 5 our traveling threesome landed just outside a place called Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, close to the entrance to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Evidentially this area is also known as the home of Dollywood and it seems since its arrival the entire Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge Highway have been turned into a circus. Overall appearance was described as horrible and cheap. There are at least one or two pancake houses every block, junky souvenir shops, Elvis and hillbilly shows being advertised on billboard sized TV's...oh, and don't forget the HUGE replica of the Titanic, a space needle, and a building that looks like a bank building dropped on a house, all making for an overall cheap looking place...a complete side show. As tourists our travelers felt sorry for the people who lived in this beautiful country prior to Dolly's extravaganza and then having had to watch their hometown turn into a freak show. They even witnessed a couple of people with signs that read, "Shame on Dolly Parton!" Possibly in reference to the entrance to the park. On a good note, however, it was reported that it was considerably cooler and the plans for Day 6 are to tour the park. And now for The Carly Report...the dog's-eye view:

Dear SVC: Last night the park was great. Me and my humans sat outside quite awhile last night and listened to somethings called Sa-Kay-das. They were pretty loud. I also watched some fireflies which are strange little flying bugs with lights on their butts. She caught me a couple and let me sniff them while they walked around on her hand. They were okay but they weren't bunnies. I didn't see any bunnies but I did come pretty close to somethings called "cats". My humans watch some people they call "the Cats" on the big talking moving picture box a lot but these "cats" weren't like those "cats" at all. They weren't much bigger than bunnies and were just as fast as bunnies. She tells me that you are a feline and therefore a cat. I don't think I'd ever seen cats before. Maybe I did in my previous life but I don't know because I was only adopted by my humans a few months ago and I don't remember much about the time before except that I was not treated very well. We went walking in a nice big field when she picked me up and pointed up into a tree. I looked and there, just above my head, were two cats. One was yellow and one was black and white. They were watching me very closely then jumped down out of the tree and took off. I figured they wanted to play so I ran after them. That part was fun but hitting the end of my rope wasn't. When I got up and shook off, the "cats" were gone. I later saw one again but I was still tied up and couldn't quite reach it. It sat there and licked itself just beyond the end of my rope. She says it was "yankin' my chain". It did seem rather rude that it wouldn't come close enough for me to sniff it. I wanted to run and play with it. Why do those kind of "cats" not want to play with me?
Tonight we are at a really nice place, still in Ten-A-See, at a place called Great Smoky Mountains. It's beautiful with lots of trees and grass. There are birds called "Robins". We don't have those kinds of birds at home in Tucson. They run from me too. I like birds. I think there may be bunnies here. I want one!! She says we are going to be here two nights so we can take a hike tomorrow. I'm beginning to feel at home in the tin can. Maybe I'll call it my rolling home. Talk to you tomorrow, Carly

Dear Carly,
Well, well, well...my little doggie buddy has discovered the feline creature...the almighty, all superior breed known as the cat. See Carly, there is a whole other world out there beyond bunnies so keep your eyes and sniffer open. I'm afraid you have a bit to learn regarding the feline...your human is right when she tells you the cat is "yankin' your chain"...kitty does not want to play with you...but rather she wants to play you. Enjoy your hike tomorrow at the big park and remember...while you're bunny scoping there could be cat eyes upon you so beware.
SVC

THE CARLY REPORT - Days 3 & 4

Well, it sounds like Arkansas won't go down as the most memorable part of the trip. In fact, comments were not exactly favorable regarding the locals either. To top things off for day 3, our travelers experienced a rather intense downpour complete with rock-the-boat winds, a light show, sound effects, not to mention finding out the roof leaks. See, being from Tucson one can almost forget what rain is so no doubt the roof had not been challenged in awhile. So the natives weren't cool, the weather sucked and no Wi-Fi hook-up which resulted in no report last night. Yep, and they thought Texas was a trip. Okay, moving right along here is Carly's report from Day 4:

Dear SVC, Sorry I didn't get to report on Day 3. I wanted to but my people could not "get on" to something they called "y-fi". I'm glad to have finally gotten out of Texas although the scenery there that last day was green and lush but hot and muggy with MONSTER flies that were on my poop almost before I could get it out. I know things are supposed to be bigger in Texas but that's redickulous! I had a horrible time in a place called R-can-saw. It was green but about halfway through day 3, I'm chillin' out on my spot on the big soft dash of the rolling tin can when a few drops hit the glass. All of a sudden this big, long black thing sweeps across the view and scared me to death! I had to jump in to her arms. Luckily she caught me. Then after we get parked in some RV park behind something called a mo-tell-six, it was nice and grassy. I looked for bunnies but didn't see any - I WANT ONE!! All of a sudden dust is blowing, the tin can is rocking and then came horrible noises and flashes of light. I really didn't like that! I made her hold me! It lasted for hours, even after we went to bed. Then this morning the whole back end of the RV park was under water. I think there may have been snakes. I also think something is wrong with the people here. We had to go into a store and the woman there said they needed the rain. I don't see how because all the rivers are into the trees around them. I'm afraid the bunnies can't swim. My people said they think she was being "fah-see-shush". I think that's a term that means stupid! I decided I don't like r-can-saw.

Today we entered tin-and-see. We are at a really nice park outside Nashville. There are lots of big beautiful trees. I pee on them. There is grass. I pee on that. I haven't seen any bunnies but I'm sure there must be some. I want one. We sat outside while she baked something called brown-knees in her little outside oven. It smelled good but they haven't let me have any. I'd write more but I wanna go smell around for bunnies before it gets dark. Bye.

Dear Carly,

Yep, sounds like Arkansas was about as much fun as Texas. And what a bummer your people didn't warn you about the big black wiper swiping across your window. Bet that scared the pee-wad-din right out of you. Better ask for extra treats to calm your nerves. Pardon the pun, little doggie but...Aye, Chihuahua...if you weren't half Beagle you would have had a nervous breakdown by now. Between the wind rocking your tin bucket, the lid leaking, water everywhere outside, no bunnies in sight....what's a doggie to do? Well, at least Tennessee proved to be a better stop and you were able to send in your report...in between pee stops, of course. Can't wait to see where you mark your territory next! Watch out for them flies now...Sister VC

THE CARLY REPORT - Day Two

Day two has landed our travelers just outside Ft. Worth, TX. According to the female human, the male human finally decided to actually look at the map and consequently now they will avoid Mississippi and head out of Dallas to Arkansas. It was also reported that between Van Horn & Ft. Worth it was very flat like Kansas, very brown with the exception of the occasional stubby green bush spotted along the way. Luckily the RV park had plenty of green grass and shade trees making the de-bugging of the giant windshield much more do-able in the heat. Now here is our canine on the scene with her nightly report:

Dear SVC:
Thanks for the write back. Funny you should mention watching what I rub in. This morning on my walkabout I found something particularly smelly and started to rub my neck in it but my human chick gave my leash a sharp tug and pulled me away from it. Don't know what it was but looked deliciously like a petrified dead bird! So far I've managed to keep from getting the wipe treatment. My human chick did stop at some really big store called "WaaaMart?" and got some of that Dee OO Der Ant which she really wanted and it sure has helped her disposition today. She was given the oppurtunity to drive the rolling tin can but HIMSELF kept reacting negatively every time she hit something called a rumble strip. I didn't like the noise either. She gave up and let HIMSELF drive. Like as if driving this thing is easy!!
I forgot to mention that at the last place, not only were there flies that bite and incredible heat but there were these horrible things SHE called "stickers" that kept poking holes in my paws. Luckily she was able to quickly read my 3 legged walk as something being wrong and pulled out the offending "sticker" I don't like stickers!
I saw a bunny rabbit in the RV park this morning and I really raised a loud fuss. I wanted it! I know what they are because I see them and smell their poop in the park where we walk at home. I always want them. I kept a close lookout while rolling down the highway for another one and I saw a REALLY BIG one. I wanted it! She said it wasn't a bunny but was something called a "Horse". Looked like a big fat bunny to me and I wanted it!!
The tin can is cooler tonight. Hope that means she'll stay in a better mood. They made burgers for dinner and let me have a taste. I like this part of Texas better. They say we'll finally leave Texas tomorrow. It's a really big place with really big bunnies called horses!!

G’nite, Carly

Hello Carly,

As I answer your report you are probably stacking ZZZ’s while basking in that giant traveling window. So relieved to hear the female human got her deodorant situation taken care of. Bummer on that short leash though, little buddy...that has got to cramp your style. Better luck next stop, just try and be sneakier about it so you at least get one quick sniff in before she yanks yer chain.

Bet you wish you could have video taped the changing of the drivers’ routine. The Mrs. Takes the wheel, the Mister starts squirming in his co-pilot seat cuz he thinks he can do it better…..guessin’ cuz he’s a he?! I mean, c’mon Carly, we both know the woman can drive...anybody who holds a world’s record for the most speeding tickets in a pigmy size car has got to know how to drive.

Now about the bunnies….you have got to be a bit more cautious while away from your home turf. Not every furry critter you see is going to be a bunny...plus the fact that grassy areas can be filled with stickers, goat heads, bad stuff! Very painful paw inflictions - you do not want to go there, trust me!!! So stick to your window watching, it’s much safer.

Happy Sniffs, Sr. VC

THE CARLY REPORT

For a change in direction we are going to blog about a canine friend of mine who has just emBARKed on a road trip from Arizona to Pennsylvania. Carly is half Beagle, half Chihuahua and has a first class co-pilot seating arrangement in the huge windshield of her human’s RV. So I mentioned taking me along via computer on her trip and as long as her humans can get a computer connection when they rest for the night I should hear a nightly report. I thought it would be fun to share with the rest of you. They just left yesterday and the following is Carly’s first report followed by my response:

Dear Sister Very Catty,

I thought I'd write and tell you about a trip we are taking in hopes you'll be able to add some shuggestions. I am a Canine type critter, specifically a "Cheagle". Today my humans have started a cross country trip in a rolling tin can they call an Arr Vee. I like to ride up in the front window where I can watch for any rabbits. My beagle half would love to chase some rabbits but my leash is never long enough. They must be inneresting critters though because I can smell it from the poop they leave in the soccer fields at the park. We had a very long trip the first day and stopped for the night in some land called "Texas". All I can say about it is it's horribly hot. My human's talking-moving picture thingy, called a TeeVee said it was some kinda heat wave but from the short stubby trees, I'm thinking it must be heat waved here a lot. It took the cooling box on the tin can 3 hours to cool it down to the mid 80's. After the sun went down and it still wasn't cool in here my guy human went out and sprayed water all over the outside of the tin can. I think it might have helped. He's been in a pretty good mood for being so hot but my girl human has been horrible!. Not just the heat because I certainly cooled myself down by rolling in the cool damp grass just outside the tin can and then in the dirt. Man! did she loose it! She rubbed me down all over with some kind of wipes. Seems she thought I should continue to smell the way I did after she gave me a bath yesterday before starting this trip. Personally I think the dirt and grass smelled goooood! Then, because it was soo hot in the tin can she tried to sit outside in the shade but she got bit several times by the monster flies which live here. They bit me too but I didn't complain. I did eat one though - I'm fast!. Anyway she continued to bitch about how bad it itched and hurt and smeared some kinda stuff on it which didn't help. I made the mistake of asking her to type a letter but that led to a whole bunch more bitching. It took over 30 minutes to "get on" the computer connection. Her bitching used the term Dee Ess El which she said stood for something called Damn Slow Lard-ass system. Man was she mad! It took her so long that I fell asleep on the bench next to her. She also had something called a "Vodka Collins" which usually mellows her out but it didn't work this time. Then she goes and takes a cool shower to chill out and got out complaining about having forgotten to pack something called Dee OO Der Ant. I offered to let her use the wipes :)

Dear Carly,

Well, hang tight, little buddy….this was just the first day and you have a lot of miles to go yet. For starters I’m guessing you should probably cease the drop and roll with the grass and dirt combo...maybe check for clean, dry grass first or you’ll be enjoying more of those wipes. You do realize humans use those wipes on baby’s butts, right?

I gotta hand it to you though....offering up the wipes cuz she forgot her deodorant...touché’!

Next time maybe she’ll follow your lead and try the grass roll herself. Kiss Texas good-bye and here’s hoping tonight’s stay will be in a cooler place…..but then it is summertime so good luck with that. Give the humans another day or two to adjust to this roady lifestyle and then maybe they won’t be so high maintenance. Make her Vodka Collins a double next time!

Happy Trails!