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Friday, June 4, 2010

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?

The following e-mail just in from a lady who traveled many miles to visit family in Pennsylvania. Their home is located right at the edge of a forest so it sounded like Mother Nature at its finest but perhaps a little more than this 'Nana' bargained for.

Dear Sister Very Catty,

I've just returned from a wonderful vacation where I visited with my son and his family, seeing the sights nearby and playing Nana to the grand-kids. One sight in particular I should warn others about....if you're ever going to see the Smithsonian in Washington, DC your best bet would be to go by helicopter because there is apparently no visible private transportation parking to be found! So if you want to go bad enough you can try using the public transportation system, a partially above ground, mostly below ground claustrophobic causing train. Time your touristic venture just right and you may also experience the red line, orange line, blue line transfer of mass confusion. For some reason there doesn't appear to be any signs directing you as to which line is which so it's look lost and hope someone comes along and offers help. Then if you get the lucky train you get the boot shy of your destination because it's rush hour and they turn the train around and head it back to the center of the city!

After that excursion we did enjoy a great Memorial Day meal at home and afterward decided to sit on the porch and relax enjoying the view of the forest. Suddenly I spotted a rather anorexic-looking fox racing across the field beside the house heading for the forest. Since the only foxes I'd ever seen were on TV I didn't have a lot to compare with but this was one very skinny fox. Not too long after that the neighbor comes over asking if we'd seen a rabid fox go by. Immediately I thought better of relaxing on the porch, maybe not such a good idea after all...but then I did have food to digest so moving wasn't an option just yet.
Next thing you know we see several men with rifles in several golf carts heading into the woods. Now while that was pretty entertaining in itself it was a far cry from the fox hunts on TV where people get on horses with their big-butted pants and ride off with the hounds to hunt the fox. This poor fox being hunted by men in golf carts...well, that's just an indignity, rabies or not! Last we heard the fox was never found.

Now my actual question to you Sister stems from what happened the day before when Mr. Fox trotted rabidly through the yard. It was a beautiful Saturday so the entire family decided to do yard work. I'm pushing great grand baby around in the stroller and the family pet, a golden retriever is playing in the yard amongst all of us. I might add this is a very smart dog that never wanders off to snoop in the forest. All of a sudden I begin to get a whiff of a very unpleasant odor. I attempted to point it out to the others but no one else seemed to believe me....until we all headed back to the house through the garage. It was a sinus-awakening jolt! Upon looking around we notice the dog has something smeared all over its neck and sides. Now have I mentioned the woods nearby complete with a creek, geese, rabbits, rabid fox, etc.? Turns out this poor pooch has literally rolled in deer poop! Now I know you being of the feline order would never think to do such a thing, and I do love dogs, but do you have any feline interpretation of such dog behavior?

Signed,
Curious in Tucson


Dear Curious,

Sounds like a vacation to remember...uh-huh...remember to pack the aerosol arsenal next trip!

While I'm not the biggest fan of the canine order I have no personal problem with them and my humans love dogs as well as cats, so understand I am not profiling here or anything. It's just that truth be known dogs were actually put on Earth to help the male human counterpart feel better about themselves.

Observing a dog's antics never fails to lift a man's spirits. No matter what kind of BS a man puts up with during the day, no matter how the world has let him down, with a dog in his life he just couldn't possibly stay down for long. Whether Fido or Rover or LuLu is displaying that big sorrowful feed-me-a-treat look, or begging for scratchies, or to play ball, or just performing a round of tail chasing, it is always going to make man feel better about man.

Let's face facts here...dogs are pretty much stuck on stupid and it's common knowledge you can't fix stupid. Seriously, have you ever witnessed a cat taking the time out to bring you the newspaper or your slippers? Ever seen one do the scoot routine across the carpet or chase its tail? Didn't think so. Thus, men are men and dogs are dogs cuz that's how they roll.

Now it seems to me that I have heard somewhere that some of those males out there who possess the need to go out and kill something (commonly referred to as hunting) actually can go and purchase deer urine to do what with I'd prefer not to know. Perhaps smear it on themselves like the dog?

Maybe this golden retriever had a better idea than its counterparts so the reason behind the poop smear could be....

Holy whiskers, I got nuthin'!

Stupid is as stupid does?

Blessings with a shot of air freshener to you!