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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

BRACE YOURSELVES!

That's right...brace yourselves. You might ask why and I might say because winter is coming, or perhaps I've got news, or maybe I need to be honest and tell you those pants do make your butt look big. Or I might say brace yourselves because a nasty gram arrived in the mail today from a bill collector, or how's about your mother-in-law is coming to visit? Yeah, I might say any one of those things...but I won't. Instead my brace yourselves warning comes as a result of a horrible rumor I read today that tells me yet another member of that family that nobody gives a hoot about keeping up with might be featured on the next DWTS season. Can we take another one? Granted the most recent one turned out all right but this potential one I'm referring to...let's just say I can feel the fur on my back rising as I write, the urge to hiss and spit is really strong, I may have to go rearrange the litter in my box. Hard as I have tried to avoid "keeping up" the fact remains it is darn near impossible not to because every time you turn around there's a headline with one of their names on it. And now it's come to this...the threat of not just another one hitting DWTS, but the worst one of all...the in-your-face, bossy butt, camera-hogging mother hen.

Frankly, I just don't know if I can go on. There have been occasions when I was in the room while there was channel surfing occurring and once in awhile the TV would land on that ludicrous expose. Has everyone not yet signed the petition? Come on people, work with me here. Who do we need to Occupy to prevent watching another season of not-really stars ruin DWTS?

What's the world coming to? Do we really care if that short, top-heavy, attention-craving little rich girl suffering from make-up overload divorces that you've-got-to-be-kidding-me Lurch Look-a-Like? Seriously?! And now big sister to the rescue breeding more of this herd, possibly tying the knot, maybe just a little damage control going on here?

So why not throw the know-it-all old busybody to the dancing wolves? Actually now that I've vented a little I'm starting to rethink things a bit. Dancing is a really strenuous workout in itself. If you're not in shape to begin with then these dancing lessons are gonna really kick your ass. Not to mention I pity the poor guy who gets stuck with this "contestant". I just pray it's not Maksim. He had a tough enough season with no "hope" of winning it and doesn't deserve such cruel treatment.

So obviously no one has asked me yet who I would suggest as contestants next season. My offer to assist still stands, of course. It was such a tough week for me, this first week without DWTS so I suppose I just felt like venting a little. Seems as though withdrawals have set in. Yes, it was difficult enough waking up Monday & Tuesday knowing there would be no DWTS that evening and then....and then I saw that rumor and it just sent me over the edge.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GAB, GAB

A happy Thanksgiving to all on this Thanksgiving Eve for 'tis time to entertain extra company, possibly tolerate obnoxious football cheers from the peanut gallery, slave over extra cooking and cleaning chores along with over-stuffing one's self with too much turkey and all those fixins' and for dessert on top of that cream covered pumpkin pie say hello to our final Mercury Retrograde for 2011. Yep, hate to ruin dinner people but it's time once again to be on alert and watch what you say, how you say it and to who you say it. Double check all your math, your correspondence, your flight times, try not to screw up your checkbook, dial the wrong number or inadvertently mail that birthday card to the ex-wife. Any of these things can happen to any one but with extra care you can hopefully avoid those mishaps. But be sure and email me all your screw up stories cuz it makes for great reading. C'mon now, you've got until December 13th to mess up something so on your marks, get set, go...

Besides, I need something to help me through withdrawals now that DWTS has ended another season. It was a tough fight to the finish and I honestly couldn't tell who would take the trophy. I pegged Ricki Lake to place third and she did but both Rob and JR danced so well I couldn't predict who would take the trophy. Congrats to JR and great job, Rob.

Now don't get me wrong here people...I am totally anti-Kardashi-u-no-who's...get them off the television puuleeze!!! Enough already with that family. I just sort of feel for Rob being the only male out of six siblings. I don't want to point paws or name names or anything but that one sister has got to be an embarrassment. Which sister you ask? Oh, just pick one, but I'm referring to the one who recently said 'I do' and then didn't. Latest word is because new hubby said something to the effect that her butts big and that her fame won't last. True and true...but perhaps he should not have said that out loud. Main thing is the rest of us frankly don't give a dam.

So no more DWTS for awhile and let's all pray they take time to come up with some real stars next season. I mean they really scraped the bottom of the barrel this time and it was so disappointing to tune in and discover that over half of them you never heard of. A soccer champ? As a seriously anti-sports cat why would I recognize her as a 'star'? I'm still upset over that. Now at least we all know who Chaz is but what was with an ex-girlfriend of George Clooney? If not for George, again we'd be asking who is she? The unfortunate few who recognized the scowl-faced prosecutor, talk show host, whatever wondered how she was suddenly raised to 'star level'? Honestly, her presence was like a cruel and unnecessary punishment to your loyal DWTS fans. You do realize how hard it was to watch that? Bless that poor guy who had to dance with her. Wonder what he ever did to deserve that? David Arquette was an absolute delight to watch and yet we were left with Miss LackofGrace. But no sense crying over spilled milk...it's over and it was great dancing as always. However, I did want to throw in a couple names as suggested contestants for next season. I vote for real stars this time, not wannabees. Stars we recognize along with a few sacrificial losers, of course.

My first vote goes to a cat who dances so well already that I'd suggest he be an instructor. I'm referring to a cat who can bust a move, a cat with pure musicality, fluid arm movements, light on his paws as he glides his partner over the dance floor. We're talking about Puss n' Boots, of course. Have you seen his new movie? Fantastic. He dances with Miss Soft Toes and we're talking Mirror-ball Winner all the way. Bruno would love him.

Then I thought Ellen should give it a shot since she loves to dance and seems to move about real smooth and obviously she's got rhythm. Besides, she'd have a ball and be a hoot to watch. Betty White would be another great star, wonder if she's booked already. Who else? Oh, how about David Schwimmer, aka Ross Geller? He'd be fun. Throw in Dr. Phil...just so the ever-bright Brooke can shove the mike in his face and ask one of her brilliant questions like how does dancing make you feel?

Anyway, I could certainly come up with a list of stars but for some reason...nobody asked me. It's almost as though they really don't care what I think. Oh well.

Happy Thanksgiving Turkeys, One & All!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

CAN WE SAY DRAMA QUEEN DRIVER?

Just when you think you've heard it all something comes along to change your mind. Would you believe there's an Arizona grandmother that wants to "OCCUPY NASCAR"? Frankly, I can't say I blame her and after reading her email I tend to think she may be on to something.

Our desert granny happens to be a huge NASCAR fan. So much so that she finds it unbelievable that there are people out there who are not fans....including myself. So for her sake I did a little research to see what all her stress was over and I find myself very much on her team. Both her and hubby are glued to the television for all the races and this past Friday she witnessed a very un-sportsman-like scene involving an intentional wreck causing another driver to lose any chance of winning the race.

NASCAR is supposed to be exciting to watch (evidentially) and I'm sure the closer the race the more exciting it gets (probably). It's obviously intensely competitive and when that flag comes down and the race is over, there's going to be a winner and there's going to be runner-ups, not losers. Along the way anything both unforeseen and unfortunate can occur resulting in a car being eliminated or disqualified, like say it catches fire, suffers engine trouble, or blows a tire...all unpredictable events. Then there's the necessary pit stops which at times can result in a car losing precious minutes. It's all part of the sport.

What should not happen ever in any race is a driver intentionally doing something so completely childish to another vehicle that it results in that car being completely knocked out of the running. Yet that is exactly what happened Friday. Two vehicles get chewed up and spit out, in turn distracts the other drivers and now the race is abruptly over for both drivers and all due to an immature act of aggression on the part of one selfish individual.

NASCAR's age requirement is 18 years old....physically, that is. Obviously there's no mental age limit since it sounds as though they allow ignorant sorts to race. In my book 26 years old is old enough to know better, but then is it with some individuals? Since I've also read that there have been previous incidents where this person has been warned, fined large amounts of money and put on probation, I tend to think he must be just plain ignorant. Being a hot-head behind the wheel does not make one a champion in any race. Maybe he thinks being a bad guy makes him seem grown up. Maybe he just wants to follow in a sibling's footsteps. Just exactly what is biting his hiney? Who does he think he is to do something so undignified in front of the fans?

I think a true champion is someone who can lose as gracefully as they can win. Was the possibility of losing so intense that this loser thought he could justify what he did? Or did he just not think at all? Such aggressive behavior displayed for all to see tends to leave a nasty taste especially when you think of what kind of message it portrays to the younger fans watching. As our AZ grandmother pointed out in her missive, she raised a son and he has raised two sons and now one of them has a young son. They all love to watch the races. What did that driver's lack of respect say to the little fan? What if that driver had been hurt? Those racing vehicles go really, really, really fast. How much control did that aggressive jerk have when he crunched into that other vehicle? Again, anything could have happened as a result of his stupid stunt. Will the littlest fans see this as acceptable behavior? Is NASCAR about every man for himself? Is this how sporting events are supposed to go? Parents have to explain how NOT to act, that this guy is definitely not a role model.

What did the nasty driver's punishment say to these impressionable little minds? Another fine again...that's easy enough since money is probably not an issue. An indefinite probation....he's probably loving the adrenaline rush over that one. Oh, and sit out the next race...ouch...a time-out. And then don't forget his big apology of sorts...the expected-what-else-can-he-say words that 10 to 1 somebody else wrote for him. Ignorant, remember?

Aggression is a mode of communication and behavior where one expresses their feelings, needs and rights without regard or respect for the needs, rights and feelings of others. Emotional or physical force is often used so that the rights of others are not allowed to surface. Try explaining that to a young one who was quite upset about seeing that performance. Can you tell him such obvious aggression won't lead to violence?

According to the latest updates this individual will be allowed to compete in the upcoming race in Phoenix this week-end. Interestingly enough there is rain predicted both Saturday and Sunday. To top that off I read that the drivers are concerned over the quality of this race and how it may upset the fans because of a possible single-file style race. Since testing the track last month they discovered the track had been recently repaved and reconfigured. NASCAR's last visit in February resulted in trouble developing even one reliable racing groove. Now do I sound like I know what I'm talking about or what?! Research people, just research.

Anyway new pavement typically means single file racing at any track for the first few years of a new surface because there's only one good racing groove and with the searing hot desert heat on this track there was no choice but to repave. So my question is will that be the only concern for these drivers? Anyone worried about being the car in front of that M&M sponsored car? Will the drama queen further embarrass and defame the poor candies represented on his vehicle? Just how short is his little fuse? Will the track conditions, or perhaps the weather conditions upset him to the point of trying to plow through anyone in his way? Sounds to me like maybe he needs to go back home and learn some good old-fashioned manners and learn respect for others and get down off his high horse once and for all before somebody gets hurt. Sometimes that early onset of fame isn't such a good thing when it fails to mature the individual in such a way that he fails to appreciate the competition rather than run it into a wall.

On your marks, get set, go OCCUPY, Granny!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

THE ANTI-NEWS

I'm going to start this off by confessing simply that I enjoy writing. That's it in a nutshell...one simple sentence. I enjoy writing. Here, I'll repeat it...I enjoy writing. I don't necessarily consider myself a writer but maybe just a cat who prefers talking on paper. And, as much as I relish talking on paper, it's most enjoyable when I actually have something to say. Yes, that's it...to write, I need something to say. Unlike individuals who seem to talk just to hear themselves talk. You hear words hitting the air but they're not really interesting, definitely not important, absolutely nothing to do with you, yet they continue talking on and on, almost as though they believe you are listening. So naturally I feel my written words need to say something about something.

Since my Halloween blog I wanted to come up with a topic to top that bewitching post. I decided I'd say a few things about current events. You know, items that made the news, subjects some people believe other people are interested in, important things we evidentially need to be aware of in order to carry on with our mundane, not-so-newsy lives. So this is a sort of anti-news, if you will. It's my "something to say" for today.

Now competing for that biggest top news story spot would probably be the 72 hour marriage I'm sure we're all sick of hearing about. First of all, try as you might, by now there's probably no way in hell you have NOT heard of this unreality show. Gone to great lengths to avoid it, have you? Yet it continues to be televised as though the rest of the world actually wants to "keep up" with these strange people. While these individuals are quite an attractive breed of humans their "reality" show is beyond realism to most anyone who can actually stomach an entire episode. Even five minutes of watching the over-bearing, continually-in-your-business mother is enough to cause your fur to stand on end while a single glance at her male half would make one wonder what he did to piss off his plastic surgeon. The three adult daughters are quite the lookers and if you don't believe me, just ask them. Boobs and butts galore, they are pretty darn stuck on themselves to say the least. Talk about having nothing to say and when they do speak it's in such boring monotones you can drift off to sleep listening to them. Included among this lineage is one male sibling. He is currently a contestant on DWTS and has managed to hang in there through the show's halfway mark. You kind of feel for the guy having had to grow up in mammary land so he deserves a trophy just for that whether he can dance or not. Last but not least there's 2 more younger female siblings who seemed to have mastered the art of disrespect regarding their elders. Of course, how would they know when they've done something wrong...Mom's normal manner is to be going off on something anyway and dad's face is so frozen in place no one could ever tell if he's okay with stuff or about to blow a gasket with anger over something.

At any rate it seems to make for quite the ongoing saga. I suppose the elaborate, over the top wedding that was recently rubbed in our recession-filled lives could only be topped with a tour de divorce. Does anyone need a tissue? Maybe on a good note regarding this situation we recently read that the bride has gone into hiding. What a relief! Hope she's not too disappointed when no one goes looking for her.

Now as if this impending divorce isn't upsetting enough, we've got a little boy singing star being accused of fathering someone's child. Nothing like tossing in a little humor to the news pot, right? I mean seriously...you read the headlines and see a photograph depicting a very baby-faced young boy sporting an over-sized pair of spectacles that swallow his entire whisker-free face and one can't help but bust out in laughter. Go do your homework, junior!

November 9th, perhaps we can all jump for joy when you-know-who heads back to the slammer for another so-called 30 days. Will she ever go away? Wonder if she found more gratification working in the morgue than at the Woman's Center. How about go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass 'Go', do not collect $200 and take your Dad with you!

Now, of course, this is just the entertainment side of life's bullshit news because I can't handle the other stuff. The politicians, clowns, players, crooks, the whole lot of them...no desire to even go there. There's already too much wasted space on those subjects and I'd just as soon bury them all in my litter box.

In closing I do want to send up a good-bye and a thank-you to one of my idols. A person worth "keeping up with", a true reality star, most likely doing tonight's 60 Minutes from his new desk in heaven. Probably bitching about cloud formations or the humidity up there. Of course, I never met the man but I have the distinct impression Andy Rooney would not be happy with me writing this anymore than he would be if I asked him for his autograph. I was never a fan of 60 Minutes, in all honesty, until the first time I caught Andy's commentary at the end of the program. After that I was hooked and always made sure to catch Andy's segment. Andy simply voiced what I think most people thought about most things. He was genuine. He was real. So thanks for being you, Andy and I for one will truly miss your candor.
Blessings, Sister Very Catty