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Sunday, November 6, 2011

THE ANTI-NEWS

I'm going to start this off by confessing simply that I enjoy writing. That's it in a nutshell...one simple sentence. I enjoy writing. Here, I'll repeat it...I enjoy writing. I don't necessarily consider myself a writer but maybe just a cat who prefers talking on paper. And, as much as I relish talking on paper, it's most enjoyable when I actually have something to say. Yes, that's it...to write, I need something to say. Unlike individuals who seem to talk just to hear themselves talk. You hear words hitting the air but they're not really interesting, definitely not important, absolutely nothing to do with you, yet they continue talking on and on, almost as though they believe you are listening. So naturally I feel my written words need to say something about something.

Since my Halloween blog I wanted to come up with a topic to top that bewitching post. I decided I'd say a few things about current events. You know, items that made the news, subjects some people believe other people are interested in, important things we evidentially need to be aware of in order to carry on with our mundane, not-so-newsy lives. So this is a sort of anti-news, if you will. It's my "something to say" for today.

Now competing for that biggest top news story spot would probably be the 72 hour marriage I'm sure we're all sick of hearing about. First of all, try as you might, by now there's probably no way in hell you have NOT heard of this unreality show. Gone to great lengths to avoid it, have you? Yet it continues to be televised as though the rest of the world actually wants to "keep up" with these strange people. While these individuals are quite an attractive breed of humans their "reality" show is beyond realism to most anyone who can actually stomach an entire episode. Even five minutes of watching the over-bearing, continually-in-your-business mother is enough to cause your fur to stand on end while a single glance at her male half would make one wonder what he did to piss off his plastic surgeon. The three adult daughters are quite the lookers and if you don't believe me, just ask them. Boobs and butts galore, they are pretty darn stuck on themselves to say the least. Talk about having nothing to say and when they do speak it's in such boring monotones you can drift off to sleep listening to them. Included among this lineage is one male sibling. He is currently a contestant on DWTS and has managed to hang in there through the show's halfway mark. You kind of feel for the guy having had to grow up in mammary land so he deserves a trophy just for that whether he can dance or not. Last but not least there's 2 more younger female siblings who seemed to have mastered the art of disrespect regarding their elders. Of course, how would they know when they've done something wrong...Mom's normal manner is to be going off on something anyway and dad's face is so frozen in place no one could ever tell if he's okay with stuff or about to blow a gasket with anger over something.

At any rate it seems to make for quite the ongoing saga. I suppose the elaborate, over the top wedding that was recently rubbed in our recession-filled lives could only be topped with a tour de divorce. Does anyone need a tissue? Maybe on a good note regarding this situation we recently read that the bride has gone into hiding. What a relief! Hope she's not too disappointed when no one goes looking for her.

Now as if this impending divorce isn't upsetting enough, we've got a little boy singing star being accused of fathering someone's child. Nothing like tossing in a little humor to the news pot, right? I mean seriously...you read the headlines and see a photograph depicting a very baby-faced young boy sporting an over-sized pair of spectacles that swallow his entire whisker-free face and one can't help but bust out in laughter. Go do your homework, junior!

November 9th, perhaps we can all jump for joy when you-know-who heads back to the slammer for another so-called 30 days. Will she ever go away? Wonder if she found more gratification working in the morgue than at the Woman's Center. How about go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass 'Go', do not collect $200 and take your Dad with you!

Now, of course, this is just the entertainment side of life's bullshit news because I can't handle the other stuff. The politicians, clowns, players, crooks, the whole lot of them...no desire to even go there. There's already too much wasted space on those subjects and I'd just as soon bury them all in my litter box.

In closing I do want to send up a good-bye and a thank-you to one of my idols. A person worth "keeping up with", a true reality star, most likely doing tonight's 60 Minutes from his new desk in heaven. Probably bitching about cloud formations or the humidity up there. Of course, I never met the man but I have the distinct impression Andy Rooney would not be happy with me writing this anymore than he would be if I asked him for his autograph. I was never a fan of 60 Minutes, in all honesty, until the first time I caught Andy's commentary at the end of the program. After that I was hooked and always made sure to catch Andy's segment. Andy simply voiced what I think most people thought about most things. He was genuine. He was real. So thanks for being you, Andy and I for one will truly miss your candor.
Blessings, Sister Very Catty

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