What oh What Will He Do?

Recently my in-box held quite an engaging query and I'd like to share it with you. Sometimes it does one good to know there are others out there in the world in deeper caca than one's self.

Confused in Phoenix wrote the following:

Sister Very Catty,
I am a middle-aged, divorced man who has found someone I think I may want to spend the rest of my life with. She is a wonderful woman but my problem is her parents and my past. Her Father is a minister and her Mother has a Doctorate in Theology. They are very opinionated and mostly intolerant of other life styles.

I have told my new woman friend that my wife left me for another woman, and I've told her that my son has undergone a sex change and is now Melissa instead of Mark. Also, I've told her about my two brothers that are serving time for bilking seniors out of the retirement monies and I've even told her about how my mother died of AIDS. But, I haven't told her the most troubling thing of all. Should I tell her that my sister is a Republican Congresswoman?

Dear Confused,

Seems to me the woman's got spunk if she's still around after what all you've shared so far.

Your having had to deal with a child who wasn't satisfied with what nature provided him/her. the bamboozling brothers, your mother...well, we won't speak ill of the dead, and your ex jumping ship certainly should have prepared you for most anything.

So, regarding your new lady's parents...the Reverend High and Dr. Mighty...make it clear from the get-go that you worship at the Most Unholy Church of Idontgiveacrap and for the sake of the relationship, kindly ask your lady to run interception so you can just avoid them at all costs.

Now, as far as sister deal breaker, merely explain that she is possessed and currently on a waiting list for an exorcism.

Blessings to all!