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Saturday, July 24, 2010

MATCHMAKER'S ME-OW

From Sister's in box we have the following question:

Dear Sister VC,

What do you do when you haven't dated in years and your friends keep bugging you? "Don't you want to meet someone?" ...and yet you are perfectly happy. I'm almost 60 years old and could care less. I'm finally happy just to be with myself and a few good friends.

Signed,
Fed-Up Fiona

Dear Fed-Up,

What in Puss 'n Boots name would we do without our friends? Better yet, what would our friends do without us? There's your question. You, being the person of interest, offer your friends something far more entertaining than their own trivial pursuits. Same old caca, different day, but what about YOU? Unmarried and all, you poor lonely gal, stuck at home with her cat. (You do have a cat, don't you? ...if not, get one!)

Two roads to take, choice is yours. On the one paw, next time you find yourself engaged in conversation with these well-meaning buds of yours, take command of said conversation. The minute the chit chat turns to your single-hood, start firing questions off.

For example...BFF #1, when was the last time so and so sent you flowers? Tell me you can remember! Direct the next round at BFF #2 with something like...have you and whats-his-name been out on a date night lately? What's up with that? Then hit BFF #3 with how small your grocery bill was last month and it's so fun to cook for one these days.

On the other paw, if that didn't send them running out of of your cat box, it's time to pull out the big guns. Turn on your mysterious aura...like the cat that swallowed the canary (pure fiction) only you aren't singing!

You'll be thanking me and the academy soon for your Oscar winning role. Act I begins with you dropping evasive hints that you met someone recently. Bat your eyelashes as you describe this dreamy-eyed tom cat of a man. Work it, Baby! He can be whoever you want. Your very own imaginary Adonis. Drag it on thru several acts, baiting them, hooking them, and then abruptly changing the subject. Curiosity killed the cat (old wives' tale I'm sure) but you remain aloof the entire time...you know...after all, it's merely that love struck look.

Should they start to get too nosy, wanting to meet this imaginary dude...well, simply dump him! After all, that's what I-Harmony is all about, right? (imaginary-harmony and what's that little 'e' stand for anyway?)

Did I mention two roads? There's a third road...tell your "friends" to go stare into a mirror for a switch.

Peace out my sister!

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